When The Lord Made Mothers
When the good Lord was creating
he was into his sixth day of overtime when
the angel appeared and said, "You are doing
a lot of fiddling around on this one."
And the Lord said,
"Have you read the specs
on this order? She has to be completely washable,
not plastic, have moveable parts, all replaceable,
run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that
disappears when she stands up, a kiss that can
cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed
love affair, and six pairs of hands."
shook her head slowly and said,
"Six pairs of hands, no way!"
"It's not the hands that cause the problems,
said the Lord. It is the three pairs of eyes
that mothers have to have."
"That's the standard model," the angel asked?
The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through
closed doors, when she asks, "What are you kids
doing in there, " when she already knows. Another
in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't
but what she has to know, and of course the ones
here in the front so that she can look at a child
when he goofs and says, "I understand and I love
you," without so much as uttering a word.
said the angel, tugging his sleeve gently,
"Come to bed ..."
"I can't," said the Lord. "I am so close to creating
something so close to myself. Already, I have one
who heals herself when she is sick, can feed a family
of six on one pound of hamburger and can get a nine
year old to stand under a shower."
The angel circled the model of a mother.
"It's too soft," she sighed.
"But tough," said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot
imagine what this mother can do or endure!"
"Can it think?"
"Not only can she think, but it can reason
and compromise," said the Creator.
Finally the angel bent over and ran her fingers across
the cheek. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told
you that you were trying to put too much into this model."
"It's not a
leak," said the Lord. "It is a tear."
"What's it for?"
"It's for joy, sadness, disappointment,
pain, loneliness, and pride."
"You are a genius," said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there," he said.
by Erma Bombeck
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